I am having a wobbly week, (hence the lack of posts).
I am tired, really tired. Last week I had a tummy bug which drained me. I have also been on two day trips to Paris for work. Although they didn't involve overnight stays (and it is always nice to say 'Bonjour'), they have knocked me for six. And Little Miss P has been very poorly. She is off her food, is a bit shaky and grizzles all day and night. We are thinking ear infection.
Perhaps this, coupled with raging hormones, is why I am feeling so emotional. I have been prone in the past to retreat into myself when I am feeling blue. I tend to shut my door and put up a 'do not disturb' sign. You can knock, but I won't answer.
I am feeling a little anxious about my pregnancy. You see I haven't nutured myself nor my growing baby. With Little Miss P, I threw myself into pregnancy and maintained an incredibly zen like attitude throughout. Unfortunately I had a very traumatic labour after being induced at 42 weeks, which led to a huge sense of disappointment. Despite my physical and mental preparation, I didn't have the birth I wanted.
The first half of this pregnancy, I shooed away any notions of preparing myself the way I did before. I mean, it failed me right? Well, recently I have thought, maybe, just maybe this time, it could work. Despite this revelation, there has been no 'me and my bump' time, and this is sending me into a panic - talk about defeating the point.
I am also worried that the house is a marathon off from being finished. I think I'll be introducing the newby to a building site. I'm very laid back about the pace at which we are renovating Fairy Cottage (I have no choice) but my nesting instincts are taking hold.
Then theres Little Miss P and my fears for her. We bought her a bed this week, which has freaked me out because suddenly I want to find the pause button. I have been pining over baby photos wondering where the time has gone. Questioning whether I have savoured every moment of her growing up enough. I worry about how she will react having her precious pram and cot taken away from her and will I be able to give her the attention and support she needs.
Oh findlesticks. I read through this and know how silly I sound. It's not just me is it? Do you have days, weeks even, when you can't get rid of the black cloud?
I promise you (and myself) a more cheery post next, and I won't leave it so long!
4 comments:
I hope your mood lifts. I was about to write a long comment but I think you're probably not in the mood for advice/empathy? Maybe some ice cream?
Sending you the hugs that you need. Everything you've written here sounds totally reasonable. Being pregnant is not easy and with a little one already and a hectic job schedule it's no wonder you've not found any time for bump time.
And I know how you feel about being anxious about this after your first birth didn't go to plan. I didn't have a good pregnancy or birth and I know that means I wouldn't be able to enjoy another pregnancy as much I would have loved too.
Hope you feel cheerier soon x
Oh sounds like you're not doing too well. Don't worry about little Miss P, she will be fine. Children are very resilient and adapt to any situation (well nearly). I felt the same about my second pregnancy. I was a lot less 'stressed' about it probably just a case of been there done that. And I was just extremely tired all the way through. Hope you start to feel better soon. X
The one thing I learned throughout my pregnancies is that you need to look after yourself and the baby will be fine and Miss wont remember. I used to get so upset about the states Maxi saw me in, but he doesnt remember at all.
Take care and make sure to talk or write about your worries.
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