haircuts and waterbirths - what a year!

Well along with the rest of you at this time of year I have been having a bit of a reminisce. Here's my year summed up in a sentence and the emotion that came with it.

in January I returned back to work after over a year off on maternity leave pregnant again. Anxious

in February I had my twelve week scan and found out that my baby was not developing well. Distraught

in March we had the all clear - our little boy was doing just fine. Relief.

in April we enjoyed the glorious sunshine and started clearing the garden in Fairy Cottage, digging raised beds for our vegetable patch. Happy

in May I stopped being anonymous on my blog and revealed the real me! Nervous

in June Little P hopped on the tantrum train and went from babbling baby to foot stomping toddler. Frustrated

in July we tried, and failed, to get Little P out of the cot and in to a bed, and I tried every trick in the book to turn my transverse baby. Determined.

in August I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Joy

in September I ran around like a headless chicken trying to adapt to life with two under two. Exhausted

in October I celebrated my birthday by cooking for sixty people I don't really know at someones elses celebrations. Accepting

in November I got my beloved and much missed fringe cut back in. Confident

in December we became party hosts as we celebrated Little P's 2nd birthday and the Boys christening at Fairy Cottage. Domestic!

It's been a roller coaster of emotions. There has not been much sleep and we have shed lots of tears. But we have also laughed, we have laughed a lot. in 2010 my family has grown in number and in spirit. 2011, whatever you have in store for me, the Scruffs are ready!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

egg, gluten and dairy free chocolate fairy cakes

...and breath.

This is the first time in weeks that I haven't been off fulfilling some obligation or another. This Christmas has been a whirlwind. Some highs and some lows.

But before I launch into a host of posts on my emotional state of mind, let me share with you Little P's birthday cake.

She turned two on Christmas Eve and I was determined to bake a cake she could actually eat despite being allergic to traditional cake ingredients. I tried loads of recipes and these chocolate fairy cakes were a winner.

Its not often that I can say this but I was really proud of the results. Just seeing Little P being able to tuck in and enjoy them so much was the best feeling.

The cakes are ludicrously easy to make and are really tasty even if you don't have allergies like Little P.

150g/5oz Doves Wheat and Gluten free self raising flour
150g/5oz brown sugar
25g/ 1oz cocoa powder (I used green and blacks)
pinch of salt
120ml/ 4fl oz water
30ml/ 1fl oz vegetable oil
1 tbsp vinegar
1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 180c, 350f, gas mark 4

In a large bowl, mix together the dry ingredients.

Make a well in the center and add the wet ingredients. Mix well and beat with a wooden spoon until smooth.

three quarter fill twelve fairy cake cases and bake for 20-25 minutes. Cool on a wire rack

She loved the theme and keeps asking me for another 'ladybird'...

This time...

Three years ago ....

I was in a trendy pub sporting a new designer handbag, a gift from a big wizz beauty company. My head was spinning with champagne and my feet throbbing from pinching platforms.

Two years ago....

I was in the post natal ward kitchen as there were no more cubicles left in the ward. I was crying from trauma and exhaustion, my head filled with panic as I was left alone to look after this little baby girl in my arms.

One year ago...

I found out I was pregnant with baby number two. My whole body was anxious about how I would cope with another pregnancy, another baby. How would I walk back to work at the end of my maternity leave in one weeks time and tell them I am pregnant again.

Today...

I iced 24 home made lady bird cakes, sang "the wheels on the bus" with far too much enthusiasm, prevented a full blown battle over a Hello Kitty doll, entertained 8 two year olds in fairy cottage and then made it the local church crib service.

A lot can happen in a year....

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY MY BEAUTIFUL LITTLE ANGEL

HAPPY 1st CHRISTMAS MY BOY

And a Very Merry Christmas to you xxx

my very ow christmas fairy

early waking. A real head scratcher!

The Boy has been waking up at 5am, sometimes 4am every night for the past week. It's so frustrating not to mention exhausting. Before then he was sleeping through just fine.

It is bringing up all the anxieties I have about breastfeeding. 

In the early days with both children I would stress about not knowing how much they were getting from me, but they seemed to be doing well and eventually once they started to sleep through my anxietes would melt away along with my sleepless nights.

Little P slept through from twelve weeks, barely having a bad night. But the Boy is different. He is much bigger and I am paranoid that my milk supply is not enough. I am trying to eat well and rest, but thats easier said then done with two under two!

I have absolutely no opinion whatsoever on the whole breast is best debate. I simply believe Mum does what mum thinks is right for her and her family. End of. For me I really want to be able to feed him myself for his first six months, at least. I breast fed Little P for nine months and I feel what I did for her, I want to do for him.

The thing is, I am not sure it even is hunger that is waking him. He is still in our room (the decorating is still not finished), so maybe I am leaping to him too quickly, but crying in your ear is a hell of a lot more heart plucking than through a wall. So it may just be habit.

I am going to try and give him some water if he wakes tonight and see if that settles him. Otherwise I may just have to shrug my shoulders and accept that when it comes to babies, few questions are ever answered!

Ladybird party ideas!

Little P turns two on Christmas Eve. In my usual style I will put one hundred and ten percent in to making her birthday very special. And in my usual style, things will go wrong. But the sentiment will be there.

With it being Christmas so few of her little friends are around, but so far I have a tally of about eight wee ones, which is more than enough to bring the roof down in fairy cottage.

Inspired by the fairy cakes I made at a recent cake decorating class, I have decided on a lady bird theme. It was going to be a lady bird and bumble bee party but I think coping with just the one bug is enough of an under taking.

my cake decorating efforts. I am going to attempt 24 for the party!

The invitations are in the post.

These were really simple to make and I really enjoyed doing it!

I've been desperately trying to find a good recipe for the cakes. Little P can not eat dairy, eggs or wheat so its been a challenge. But today I think I cracked it! I've ordered some red and black icing and bought a bubble machine. Only a few things left to tick! Can't wait!


- 

Headless chicken

Just thought I would drop by my own blog and say hi. You see these past few weeks I have been in a frenzy. We have a couple of big Christmas dos to host at Fairy Cottage, and not one to do things by halves I have been manic getting every thing ready.

I've been hunting and trying every dairy/ egg/ wheat free cake and mince pie recipe for Little P's birthday on Christmas Eve. I've been making lady bird invites, spraying snowflake stencils onto the windows, making gingerbread decorations, getting birthday and christmas shopping, oh and looking after the Boy who at four months is becoming quite the demanding little fellow.

I will post in more detail about everything thats been going on in the Scruff household once I get a spare minute. Phew!

Oh Christmas Tree, how big are your branches!

My parents offered to get us a tree this year. We jumped at the chance and kindly asked if they would find us a nice big one. We have a house now and several very important festive parties to host (Little P's second birthday and the Boys Christening). We wanted it to be the focus of the house. The center piece. My mum brought it round this week with a grin on her face so broad. It's a stunner, she whooped.

So Mr Scruff put the base on and dragged it wrapped into the lounge. With scissors in hand he started to cut the net.  We all watched and waited with glee and excitement and anticipation.

Do you remember the scene in National Lampoons Christmas Vacation when Chevy Chase unveils the Griswold family tree?
 

As Mr Scruff snipped through the net, the branches just sprung open spanning the entire width of the lounge! I wanted bushy and bushy is what I got. I wanted it to be focus of the house, not my actual house!

Next year, we'll get our own tree. And we'll take a tape measure!

Thankfully, my mum was up for playing swopsies. It does mean she will be unable to get to the door of her downstairs loo but we can actually now fit in our sitting room.

Home made mince pies. Don't try this at home.

Not made from my own fair hands

There was a time in the not too distant past when an invite for drinks involved us arriving waving a bottle of vodka in the air with a "lets get this party started" cheer.

This week we had a social engagement that required a more sober entrance. A 'welcome to the area' drinks at the Vicarage. A new one on us. Never in all my years have I felt more Barbara Good. But what to take. What would Margot take? A bottle of olive oil? Too random.  A tin of shortbread? Purleese have I really become that boring. Home made mince pies? Mmm, a bit W.I. but they are in season and how hard can they be to make?

In my quest to become a mum who bakes, I found a recipe on the Good Food website  for gluten and dairy free mince pies. Perfect. Little P and all her allergies can then eat them  too.

Right lets get started.....

100g/3½oz raisins 

100g/3½oz Sultanas 

100g/3½oz currant

 50g/2oz cherries (if you use dried cherries they will not have any extra sugar, but glace ones will have sugar)

1 tsp ground ginger 

1 tsp ground nutmeg

½ tsp ground mace 

2 tsp ground cinnamon

50g/2oz vegetable suet (optional) I have never heard of Suet before and had to phone my mum from Sainsburys to ask what aisle I would find it in. It's vegetable fat and I bought Trex, which looks like lard. Hmmm.

½ Bramley cooking apple, cored and chopped but not peeled - I peeled mine because it looked a bit manky having picked it from the garden about a month ago.

1 lemon, cut into small pieces but not peeled

1 orange, cut into small pieces but not peeled

120ml/4fl oz brandy or whisky - I used only 3 fl oz because the look on Mr Scruffs face when I got the bottle out said "hands off my booze".

- Mix all the dried fruits with the spices and suet if you are using it.
- Put the apple, orange and lemon pieces in a food processor and purée.
- Add this mixture to the dried fruit along with the brandy or whisky.
- Mix well, cover and set aside for anywhere between two hours and 24 hours. Alternatively, you can place in sterilized jars and store for later use.

so far so straight forward, and I hasten to add, quite scrummy (if you can blot the lard bit out of your mind).

The pastry.....

375g/13oz gluten-free and wheat-free flour with xanthan gum OR 200g/7oz chickpea (gram) flour with 175g/6oz rice flour 

150g/5oz butter OR dairy-free margarine 

1 egg (optional)

- mix the flour and sieve into the bowl of a food processor.
- Cut in the butter or margarine and blend until it is forms crumbs.
- Add 8-10 tablespoons cold water. Mix to a dough and blend until it forms a ball.
- Remove from the processor and chill for 30 minutes.
- Pre-heat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4. Grease and flour your mince pie tins.
- Remove the pastry from the fridge, and roll out to a thickness of about 5mm. Cut the pastry in circles with a cutter slightly larger than the size of each pie, and line your mince pie tins with it, pushing the pastry up the edges.
- Spoon the mixture into each pie then rollout lids and top each pie, wetting the edges of the dough and pressing it together with your fingers.
- If you are using the egg, beat it in a bowl and brush the lid of each pie generously.
- Bake for around 20 minutes or until the pies are lightly browned and the pastry cooked.
- Remove from the oven and sprinkle with sugar if desired. Cool slightly before carefully lifting them out of the tins (running a sharp knife round the edges to loosen them helps) and cooling on a rack

 I have never made pastry before, let alone attempted a gluten free one. My first batch refused to mould into a ball so I added a bit more water and ended up with a soggy mess. I tried adding flour and more marg but it had gone beyond repair. My second attempt rolled out fine, but once baked resembled plastic saucers rather than crumbly mince pies.

At 5pm I made a mercy dash to Sainsburys to buy ready made pastry.

Despite it splitting and sticking I managed to salvage a tray full of pies. Out the oven they came and a beam spread across my face. They looked like mince pies. Real mince pies.

They stuck to the tray like super glue.

I had a lovely evening. We met lots of new people and it was so nice to put names and stories to the faces we have seen on our street. And my tin of shortbread biscuits went down a storm!

A big thank you to Domestic Jules over at Butcher, Baker blog, who in my pastry-panic tweets sent me a recipe to try. I need a bit of a break before I get my rolling pin out again but for the baking mad, check this out...

Baby Bear

Our snug little bear cub.

christmas 2008

I was adamant I didn't want a tree. Not this year.  I didn't want the hassle. Mr Scruff reluctantly obliged and brought home the smallest shrub he could find. We were set. Me, him, our two foot sprig and my bun in the oven cooked and ready for Christmas.

I was due on the 10th December. I loved this date. Ten is my lucky number, plus the baby would be here in time for me to hit the January sales.

Maybe it would come early? Whatever it would definitely come on time. Surely. I was absolutely huge and the head had been fully engaged for weeks. The weight was so heavy around my pelvis, I walked like John Wayne, fearing the baby would drop out should I pick up the pace beyond a slow waddle. And anyway everyone from the doctor, midwives and the cashier in Sainsbury's all told me I was ready.

I spent my due date at a breastfeeding workshop and the evening bouncing on my yoga ball.

Three more childless days went by. I went to the hospital for a sweep. Ouch! Surely that has to do something.

More days went by. I felt nothing.

I walked for miles. I bounced until my head felt dizzy. I moved around on all fours so my knees and wrists went numb. I ate curry followed by pineapple, followed by pineapple curry, I had sex. Heck, I even drank castor oil. There was no coaxing this baby out.

Twelve days went by. I turned my phone off fed up with the constant stream of "any news yet" texts and calls. I went back to the hospital for yet another sweep and a session with the acupuncturist that was so intense I felt like a human pin cushion.

It was Christmas in three days time. They wanted babies out so I was booked in that evening for an induction. And that was it. My time was up. No more chances for the baby to come of her own free will. I walked the two miles home in one last ditched attempt to get things started. But, you've guessed it, nothing. I got home and gathered all my things together. Panic set in. I was so anxious I couldn't see as my blood pressure shot through the roof. I was scared, I was nervous, torn between wanting it to happen and wanting to hide under my duvet. I both feared and yearned the unknown.

I walked through the doors of the hospital unsure what lay ahead, Mr Scruff lagging behind dragging the two bags and five pillows. (Yes I packed everything from lavender oil to blusher. And a novel. Fool).

At 3am I was induced. At 6am my contractions started. At 9am Mr Scruff arrived at the hospital. At 12 pm (just as they brought round crumble and custard for lunch), I was taken to the labour ward.

I will spare you the gory details of what happened over the next twelve hours, but I will tell you it was a drama. It wasn't what I had planned. This isn't what my hypno birthing and meditation prepared me for.

But, at 1.15am on 24th December 2008, finally, at last, my little girl arrived in the world. Healthy and screaming.

Relief, joy, exhaustion.

Never did a cup of Tetley and slice of Sunblest taste so good. After a reluctant shower (I mean honestly all I really wanted to do was stay very, very still), Mr Scruff was sent home and it was just me and my baby in a bed set up in the post natal kitchen because the ward was full up. Happy Christmas Little P.

I made it to my mums for Christmas lunch. At least I think I did.  You see to this day I don't remember a thing. There are no photos either to jog a memory (as the family photographer I was, apparently, off duty). I don't remember going out. I don't remember eating lunch. I don't remember coming home. But I will never forget the overwhelming sense of joy that my little girl, my very own Christmas angel, was at last in my arms.

This post is part of the British Mummy Blogger 'A Christmas Carol' memory event....